Mother's Day 2012

Mother's Day presents a difficult choice: spend time with those whose being labels me a mother or take a well-deserved break, getting away from those same?

Recovering from a cold and a girls' bunco night extravaganza hosted at my house Friday, I was sorely tempted to sleep in and even skip church this morning. For some real peace and quiet, I could've sent the boys (daddy and son) to church. Not really, since the service would most likely have something to do with mothers and include a special recognition. Also, I know the children make the cutest crafts in Sunday school, particularly for Mother's Day and as gifts to give their mothers. I couldn't deny myself or Hank that opportunity. 

I was rewarded with a good worship service and adult Bible/Sunday school class and a Hank-decorated and glued together paper flower. There is a pink paper "basket" decorated with butterfly stickers, too. The basket left Sunday school full of Hershey's kisses. I got to eat one in the car on the way home, unwrapped for me too. Daddy got one. The rest, however, were consumed by the little boy.

Hank loves shopping and giving gifts. He picked out my greeting card, and, though signed by Daddy from the both of them, Hank delivered it to me in bed this morning. Daddy also delivered the present he ordered - two shirts I picked out of a catalog. I wore one today. Hank still wants to go to the store and buy me a car set. Since there are no "girl car sets," I will just have to do with "a boy one." We have not humored him with this request. I explained I did not need my own car set, but will be happy to let him share his with me and we can play together...later.

I already treated my mom to lunch during the week last week, to avoid the crazy Mother's Day lunch rush today. We still took the opportunity this afternoon to get out on our own (leaving the boys to their own devices) and head to the library and have a Dunkin Donuts snack. DD sweet tea is the best!

Since I made my way back home, I have been enjoying the paradise that is our back patio. I have let the dogs out in their potty yard. I feel guilty for not taking them for a walk or doing something more active with my free time. But that would still fall into the "mom activity" category. So, here I am, writing about being a mom! Just can't get completely away. I do think I will go back to my book now.

How have you spent Mother's Day 2012?

Each One is Different

(Case in point: Ziggy.)

While out walking the Shelties, I passed a neighbor with her two dogs.  She had one on a head collar and one not.  I mentioned having tried one on Max, but he fought it to the point of just walking with his head pulled down and it was ineffectual.   

She told me she had forgotten why she didn’t put it on her older dog until one morning she wasn’t fully awake and put the wrong collar on the wrong dog.  He apparently just digs his feet into the ground and refuses to move or do anything with it on.  The younger dog, however, does quite well with it.  My neighbor mentioned it at least stopped the spinning on the leash.   

I expressed my wish to find something to do that for me.  She said it was just a matter of finding the right harness.

Max is currently on a no-pull harness.  It keeps him from making my arm sore from his pulling to get ahead and lead the way.  It doesn’t choke him in the process.  But he still spins as if to get out of it to chase after bicycles, joggers and cars.  He cannot get out of the harness, so he is safe as long as I can maintain my hold on the leash.

Ziggy is in a regular harness. I have to worry about him backing out of a collar, since he gets scared and wants to retreat home.  

Every training piece of equipment or method has to be held up to the light of whether it is good for and works for both the dog at hand and the owner.

Max was easy to potty train (house train).  We were in an apartment on the third floor when he was a puppy, so we started with paper training.  He got to the point of barking at us to come praise him after he had done something on his papers.  We would praise him for going outside, too, and soon he would do both.  When we moved to a house, we just never put down paper, and he only went outside.

Ziggy was a nightmare.  I was in tears as I called our obedience trainer up to ask why, why, why?  She told me each dog is different.

I praised the days when Hank began sleeping through the night. Of course, "sleeping through the night" to me was seven hours of sleep for him, meaning less for me. When I discussed his late to bed, early to rise habits and desperate resistance to napping with the pediatrician, she said, "Some children require more sleep than others. You just have a baby who doesn't require much sleep."

Hank was and is happy and healthy. So are other children who slept twelve to thirteen hours a night at the same age.

Every dog is different. Every child is different. Comparison just eats at confidence. Use trial and error. Do a lot of study and seek advice from multiple sources, but also trust your gut (or parental instincts).

You are the right fit for your child and for your dog. Cherish what makes each one different and how those differences make your relationship with each unique.

Thank you for coming along with me on the A to Z Blogging Challenge! It's been a good time. Now maybe I can get some more Z's than I have been this month. Hank sleeps longer these nights, too. Although daytime naps are ancient history!

Y

Yipping & Yapping

Dogs bark (or yip or yap or woof..). It is part of who and what they are. It is part of how they communicate and express themselves. It can, at times or in certain situations, be excessive. Much like we try to teach our children volume control and not to interrupt, we would like our dogs not to be disruptive.

If you want your dog to bark in a sort of watchdog capacity/if you like for your dog to bark to alert you to strangers approaching the house, etc., then do not discourage barking. There is no need to reward barking, since most dogs find the barking a reward in itself. Your attention upon his/her barking is also reward enough.

If she's barking to alert you like you want her to, but also barking at everything else and/or barking repetitively or loudly so as to start giving you a headache, a potential solution is to teach her a cue to stop. So even if she does bark, you can hopefully be alerted, determine the cause, and then get back to a peaceful life.

I use the cue/command "Quiet" as described in the post of the same name.


Yanking

I often feel like my arm is going to get yanked out of socket, whether while walking one of my dogs on a leash or trying to hold onto my son out in public.

I have tried stopping forward movement when the dog pulls, but we just end up in a stand off at either end of a taut leash. I have tried the abrupt turn, but end up walking in circles. I currently use the no-pull harness, but that only reduces the force of the yank. My dogs seem to enjoy building resistances to such things.


Patience is a huge challenge dealing with this behavior problem, because I often just want to get the business of a walk for exercise and to take the dogs potty done. Training time needs to be set aside. The hard part is: If you are training for a certain leash behavior, you cannot spend any time on the leash not "in training" until the dog is reliable for the desired behavior. Otherwise, you will be rewarding wrong behavior.


Since daily life is not lived in a classroom, how do you train or teach while living it all out at the same time?


Yes

"Yes" is an indicator to the dog that he has done something right and will be rewarded, just as a click in clicker training or with the use of "Good" as described in the post of the same name.

Yell

Yes, I lose my temper. I am a redhead, after all. Not raising my voice can be a challenge. But if I yell, I am not likely to be truly heard.

Don't yell at dogs or children. Speak cues and advice in an appropriate tone and a volume only as loud as required to be heard with the ears. No matter how loud I am, if the mind receiving is not "hearing" then what I say doesn't matter.


I don't want my words to be angry, too loud or repetitive. I want my dogs and children to associate my voice with love and their best interests at heart.


How do you resist the urge to yell or otherwise deal with the frustrations that will and do come up during parenting and dog training?

XOXO

We call Gigi face-hugger and Frenchie. She literally hugs your face: She gets her front paws around your neck and squeezes together and smothers your nose and mouth with the underside of her chin and neck. She also likes to lick - sticking her tongue into your mouth, nostrils or ears (whichever is most readily accessible).

Since we think of hugging and kissing as affectionate, such behaviors are seen as cute and endearing. Unfortunately, this just encourages behavior that may not remain cute and endearing, but get annoying if not at least restrained with some boundaries.

In attempts to face hug, Gigi will bounce up on her hind legs and end up head bumping me face-to-face (if I'm sitting at her level). If I'm standing, she will stand on her hing legs and wrap her front legs around my thigh or even attempt a running jump to scale my body and hug my torso.

At one point, I put her jump, scale and hug maneuver on command. I would slightly bend my knees, stretch out my arms towards her and say, "hug!" However, she would frequently attempt to offer the behavior without being cued to, and I eventually phased out the use of this "trick" completely when I became pregnant and did not want her impacting my stomach.

Now, if standing, I bump her off my leg with a knee and/or brush her off with a hand, and tell her to sit. If sitting or on her level, I brush her off, putting a hand to her chest and pushing away and slightly down and tell her to sit.

We practice good manners of "sit" and, when necessary, "quiet," when it comes to meet and greet. Excessively jumpy, pawing or barking dogs get ignored. Stay with the dog at first, giving her a chance. If brushing off and using reminder cues of "sit" and/or "quiet" are not working, look elsewhere and do not continue to talk to her. You may even need to stand up, if you are sitting, and literally turn yourself away.

A dog who has successfully practiced sit or other desired behaviors will usually start to offer these behaviors in order to achieve the reward of your attention. If she does not, then leave her and come back again later.

Sometimes I fail in consistency, but that is the best policy. Gigi's regressions in desired meet and greet behavior are often regressions in my resolve: I just want to come in and be "loved" without being all trainer all the time.

Try for consistency, but realize there is a level of acceptance too. If there is a behavior or level of behavior that you are willing to accept entirely or the occasional regression on, then don't sweat it. If you're going to get mad or upset about it, however, then be prepared to train as much percentage as you expected your dog to behaved trained. Enjoy life with your dog!

What behaviors do you take as affectionate from and towards your dog(s) and child(ren)?

Wait

I learned "wait" as a command to mean stay until I (the handler) release you (the dog) to come to me, implying that I will not be next to you. "Stay" is differentiated as do not move until I am next to you and release you, inclusively.

The basis for the differentiation was explained to me as such a "stay" being a more powerful command used in potentially dangerous situations, such as if you, the person, cross the street to get a wayward ball and you do not want the dog to move from where you place him in a "stay" in your yard.

"Wait" is taught the same way as "stay" except for (1) the hand gesture, and (2) where you are when you release the dog.

The hand gesture for "wait" is to wave an open hand, palm toward the dog, in front of the dog's face or field of vision. The signal for "stay" is just to hold the hand up, palm towards the dog, in the same way people generally gesture "stop." You can either have the arm extended downward with fingertips towards the ground or bend your elbow and hold your hand up.

In the end, I prefer to use "stay" all the time and leave "wait" out of my dogs' vocabulary. For my dogs, "stay" means not to move from where you are until I say, "okay" (my release word), regardless of where I am.

Training "stay" is best started from a sitting or "down" position. Standing stays can be taught, but there is too great a temptation and it is just too easy to move. When the dog is sitting or laying down, he is relaxed, and it would require effort to get up to move.

Take advantage of times your dog is tired to first train the "stay" command. After playing or physical exercise or a the end of a training session is a good way to set up for success.

Once the dog is sitting or "down" and relaxed, say "stay" and offer the hand gesture. Immediately, pending he doesn't jump up right then, say "good stay" and reward. Follow with your release word. Slowly extend out the length of time before you reward. Aim to always reward just before the dog will break the stay.

Do not train more than one thing at a time. Work on length of stay or distractions at any given time. Have the dog successful at both independently before attempting combined. In other words, the dog needs to be able to "stay" through one or two bounces of a ball in front of him and be able to stay for 30 seconds with no distractions before attempting to ask him to "stay" for 30 seconds with a ball bouncing nearby.

In the beginning, have the dog on a leash, but leave it dropped on the floor. Keep your foot nearby, so you can step on the leash to restrain the dog if he does start to move to break the stay. Say "eh eh" as you step on the leash. If the dog has moved to standing, have him "sit" or "down" again, then try "stay" again.

Please note: "sit" and "down" are pretty much prerequisites for "stay."

Vehicles

If you were a car lover to begin with, you will look at cars in a whole new light. If you just didn't look at cars all that much before (that's me), you will look at cars in fascinating detail. Vehicle details is just one those parts of life that gets distorted and/or fine-tuned when you have kids or even add pets to your family, especially if you like to travel as a family.

We had some kind of SUV for years. We always seem to have too much stuff, and it often needs to be carted around. While still an only child, our Sheltie, Max, enjoyed a lot of lap riding. However, we still had to pack his crate, a play pen/fence and other supplies for use on location.

As the number of our fur children increased, we had to put an end to lap riding. The dogs either rode in crates or had the backseat with blankets. Crates could be configured to go in the back seat and be accessible through the side doors or in the "back back" with access through the rear door. If the dogs rode crate-free in the back seat (really middle seat), the "back back" was still needed for bags and supplies.

Once we started traveling to agility trials, there was a build in gear going along for the ride, including an E-Z Up tent. We eventually added a cargo bin for riding on top of the vehicle.

While expecting our son, we made the change from SUV to van. Still, I have my smaller car. My husband drives the van around home. I get away with it since I only have one child and rarely have reason to transport him and the dogs at the same time. But for traveling, the van is a must.

While dogs and people alike have to jump up to get into an SUV, there is the advantage of putting in or taking out a small size dog with a crate out of the back of the SUV. Of course, this means you have to pick up the dog. The dogs prefer jumping into the van with the lower threshold and the ability to be independent (get in as if of their own free will).

A van also has more vertical inside space. The van's ceiling goes as high as the SUV, but the floor is lower. We opted for the stow-away seats, so we either have floor compartments to stuff things in or we fold the seats away to create a giant box of space in the rear the vehicle. The puzzle solver in me that loves to play Tetris loves to fill that box.

We were so excited to get the VES. However, we soon learned the disadvantages to the built-in version as long as a child is in the rear facing seat. They can't see it! Since we turned him forward, however, it has been awesome. Well, except for having to hear it. We're still working on the use of headphones.

What are your vehicle preferences? How do those preferences specifically pertain to having pets and/or children?

Don't Underestimate Yourself

You're a mom. You worry, especially whether or not you're doing this mom thing right. Maybe you aren't a child psychologist. Maybe you are. And that only makes it worse because you find it more difficult to trust yourself sometimes over all the education. In today's information-age, many have the opportunity to not trust instincts over "book" (or DVD or YouTube) learning available.

Maternal instinct is very real. Playing dolls and eventually having real, live pets can reveal elements of it, but you will know it for the full force it really is when you have a baby.

1. You will have the power to endure the greatest pains, including and especially empathetically.

2. You will have the determination to overcome, even against the most daunting odds.

3. You will know when it's your child. (Remember Mom's eyes in the back of her head?)

4. You will be able to see something far more powerful than the future. You will be able to see all the many possibilities, fantastic and ghastly, at once. Use this power to your advantage to, at best, avoid the bad, and, at worst, be prepared.

If you could only see one future, would you put all your energy into that one focal point? You might focus on changing from a bad point or trying to enhance a good one with no preparation for the repercussions from a alteration. If the point still occurred exactly as you envisioned, would you be prepared for what comes after or would you have lost sight of it?

5. You will become more creative, inventive and talented than you ever imagined. Even if you think of yourself as highly skilled or well-rounded, you will learn something new. If you already think outside the box, just be prepared for more boxes to think in, under and through!

My first dog, Max, was very intelligent and active. He needed work to do. I got into agility for him and kept it up as we added fur-children to the family. I had never been athletic in my life, but I did canine sports for my dogs. There were nice side effects for me and I came to love it, but I never would have known had it not been something done for love of Max and the desire to have a happy canine.

Apparently, the agility was preparation for my life as Mom to a very active son who loves anything that involves running, balls, and/or kicking or hitting. He already out performs me with soccer ball and goal in our yard. Yet, I try my best to have fun and encourage him. Thankfully, "mom" is not a heading on the scores for our kid's sports like "handler" (and/or "owner") is in dog agility.

As not only a dog owner, but an Animal Behavior College Certified Obedience Dog Trainer, I get self-conscious about my dogs' behaviors, especially when it's not so great and in public or in front of others. Nobody is perfect, though.

Yes, dogs and children always act better for the trainer or teacher. But their own dogs and children tend to be the same way, acting better for those other than them.

As a mom, I've learned to let go of what others think and concentrate on myself and my son. That's certainly enough to worry about, and I haven't got time or room for anything else!